i am the worst kind of person– always wanting what i don’t have. wanting to be just a girl with a dog and a fourwheel drive, wanting to rearrange my furniture, wanting longer hair, wanting a prettier smile. i want to do and be things that i will never do or be. i want us to have done this thing between us first, and had babies after. i want a one bedroom apartment with only my sweetheart. i want to drive a smaller car, i want to live farther south, i want a rabbit instead of cats, i want to wear only dresses.

all winter i scowl at the cold and wish for sun. during the hottest part of the summer i lie on the cool floor in my mother’s basement, watching the sweat gather on my cup and whishing for snow.